EODM and the Paris attacks, my personal account.

EODM and the Paris attacks, my personal account.

I’ve been a fan of this until recently, relatively unknown band of sexy rockers for a few years now, I discovered them through my hero and music God  Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age, Them Crooked Vultures etc) they absolutely boneshakingly rock with a great sense of humour and fun. Quite different from their name they don’t play death metal at all, Josh Homme has described it as “bluegrass slide guitar mixed with stripper drum beats and Canned Heat vocals.”

See for yourself in the link below.

EODM’s video for complexity

Here is the story of why they’re called The Eagles of Death Metal Where did the name come from? That should clear that up!

I had really wanted to see them for some time and when they announced a uk tour I was there! I bought my ticket and knew it would be a great night even if I didn’t have anyone to go with. They’re the kind of band that have awesome friendly like minded, loving, out for a good time fans, like me. I’m lucky enough to be a member of an amazing group of friends and fans of all things QOTSA and through this group I found two very kind souls Maria and Pat who offered to let me crash at their house and go to the concert with them, they didn’t know me but they welcomed me into their home and I was so touched by that gesture.

A picture I took of the EODM boys rocking out (one of a few as I was enjoying it too much)

So, at the beginning of this month, I was at an Eagles of Death Metal concert in Southampton with a room full of wonderful people, my kin, we were having a great time, I mean a REALLY great time! The band were rocking us hard, their fast tempo sexy rock was moving us and grooving us, we were all dancing and singing along, a little high/drunk/happy on life… I felt like I belonged with these people, that’s the thing about EODM’s fans. Even the ones I haven’t met are friends to me.

Jesse Hughes, a sweet souled front man who has such a great connection with his fans

9 days later on the 13th November EODM were rocking a crowd in France, just like they do, heartfelt and energetically. I don’t watch the news so I didn’t know what was happening until I went onto Facebook and saw a very worrying post on Maria’s profile from her and Pat’s son  Patrick, he was worried about his parents, after about a minute it became clear that they were there at the Paris gig. My family and friends and myself in the QOTSA group were all sick with worry feeling helpless for our friends and their children. We finally found out they were safe but that their mates had been shot and that people were being killed, beautiful young souls being taken, we were desperate to hear if the band were ok, hoping not to hear of any more deaths.

The crest of the QOTSA Family, only a few original members have their own pin (drink wine and screw is a QOTSA lyric)

It really shook the world, as it would but it hit home to me and my music kin just how close to home it was, this was our band, many had met them, knew they were decent and kind, so many of us have been to lots of gigs, only the week before I was at one of their concerts, Maria and Pat had gone to the back, networking with many friends they’d met before, they’d seen EODM about 60 times (I’m not sure of the exact number) and I was glued to the front left, My first time seeing them, I took my place on the barrier at the front and didn’t move (accept for vigorous butt shaking and kiss blowing to the band) till the end.

Thank goodness that they stayed front left in Paris, gunmen came in from the rear and they would’ve been hit. We found out later that they ventured back into the venue to help their friend Brian who had been crushed in the rush to the exit. They insist it’s nothing and that anyone would’ve done it, but in panic the fight or flight instinct of many would’ve made them run and never look back.

I have only met Maria and Pat once but they are genuinely the nicest people you could wish to meet, they fed me, offered me drinks all the time, paid for the taxis (poor jobless single mum that I am I only had whiskey to offer) made sure I was comfortable and had everything I needed to stay there at their house and got up early to take me to the boat. I fell in love with the pair of them for they are decent souls and from that night I felt relaxed and like I was with real family.

Maria and Pat, the real Queen and King of Rock and Roll

I speak for my brothers and sisters in my music family when I say that they are heroes, known to many as Mother Superior and Mother Superior’s husband! They have seen EODM and QOTSA over 150 times collectively (not an exact number) and followed the Sisters of Mercy for years.

We heard of other attacks in Paris as well as the Bataclan, the death toll was rising, we wept for our lost humans, even the survivors if physically unharmed would suffer the trauma mentally for years to come. What an awful sick thing to do to people, who could do this and why?! I just don’t understand how and why innocents are the victims of war.

The whole time this was going on one of our QOTSA family members was putting call outs to members that were or could’ve been there, it was a very tense 48 hours wait to make sure everyone was accounted for.

Once our friends were home and the injured members were doing ok and family safe, we wondered how the band would take the loss of their fans, we know they are genuine sweet people who would’ve been hit hard by this.

Our fears were that they would break down, give up, cancel tours, who could blame them really? We waited on tenterhooks to find out how they were, all of us wanted them to know we loved them and supported them, fans from around the world were sending love and showing them how much they meant to them.

Vice released a trailer for an interview, it seemed to be quite a sick move, using the band to ‘tease’ when all we wanted was to hear from them ourselves.

The vice interview

The interview is quite harrowing to watch, those big tough rock stars that we love so obviously shaken to their core, but remaining positive and vowing to finish the Bataclan gig. It made me cry when I watched it.

“I want to be the first band to play in the Bataclan when it opens back up, because I was there when it went silent for a minute..our friends went there to see rock n roll and died, I’m gonna go back there and live.” – Jesse Hughes

My heart goes out to all lives lost, their families and friends, all those affected in anyway. I can’t do much at all but send my love so I wrote a poem (that’s just what I do.)

I wrote this originally in Maria Moore’s Facebook post where she said that they were going to le Bataclan to lay flowers at 5pm the day after, it’s my way of expressing my feelings and love to the lost brothers and sisters ❤️ if I couldve been there to pay my respects I would be ✌🏻️❤️

Photo courtesy of Maria Moore, taken at The Bataclan and simply titled “Peace, Love, Death Metal”

Blow a kiss for me
To all the beautiful souls
That lost their lives while
Being serenaded
By Boots
In a happy bouncing
With looks of love and joy In their eyes
Blissfully unaware
Unified by the music
The music that brings us all Together
Rocking out
All the way out
Our friends
We didn’t get to know you
But we love you
Every one

But never ever

I am proud to be a fan. Thank you for reading.


Music the lifeblood of my soul

Music the lifeblood of my soul


One of beloved late father’s teenage vinyl, it feels very special to share it loudly

Ok, now most people that know me know that occasionally I’ll peep out of the woodwork with a box of delicious vinyl and dance about for a few hours while playing them probably too loudly to a room of music loving people. I love it, it’s my hobby, I bring a mixture of my late fathers teenage years (60’s soul, blues and r’n’b) and my recently acquired (when I can spare the money) heart throbbing tunes and very much enjoy sharing them.

Dj’ing is my passion, I used to do it more regularly and always wanted a residency in a cool little club, I achieved that, in a small but perfectly formed cocktail bar, it was full of cool touches, young beautiful bar people and it even had the toilet area set out like the London Underground, platform announcers and all.

Me Dj’ing so hard I’m a blur! 

Unfortunately the reality of the pressures of having a constantly poorly teenage daughter and a full of energy young boy and being an assistant manager for a well known organisation that was sending me to London training was way way too much of a commitment for me to have any spare time energy. The thought of being on my feet all day at work or travelling all day on boats that were making me sea sick then sorting the kids and packing up my decks, boxes full of heavy vinyl, lugging it all to the bar and unpacking, setting up then standing there all dolled up on my own, sober, playing from 9-whenever the bar shut while humouring drunken comments and not screaming “FUCK OFF LEAVE ME ALONE!” While worrying about what my teen was getting up to and if she was ok, knowing that she’d been missing me all day and just wanting to be with her, ending up in hospital with her she got so sick, hoping my son was having a nice time at his dad’s despite crying to me that he didn’t want to go, just didn’t appeal to me. Well it just took too much out of me, hell work took too much out of me and I was exhausted, my kids needed me for their mental health.

So I only really come out of my hiding place once or twice a year and suffer heavy anxiety when I do, for about a week before I’m freaking out, on the day my chest feels like it’s going to explode, but then, once I get past the blind panic and lay that needle on the crackly vinyl, I feel joy, euphoria, the music springs me to life and I start to unashamedly boogie, I sing along and I don’t care who can see me, I want them to see me, I want them to feel so comfortable with me and the music that they come and join me, and they do, granted it takes a few drinks for most but once one person is up they’re all up, we swap smiles, they gush to me about the record, how much they love it, give me the thumbs up and I know what I’m going to play next, it’s a musical journey that makes me feel alive and purposeful, I forget all my worries and we are united in dance and feel good vibes.

Music does that to me, it sends me to a happier place, whether it’s Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh ‘baby duck’ Homme making me feel like a sexy badass, Led Zeppelin giving me the chills as I’m screaming along in heartfelt abandon with Robert Plant, dancing around like a crazy sex kitten to the Eagles of Death Metal, hotline bringing it with my kids and Drake, moaning out the fast paced blues with Cream, I could go on, I won’t, I do that too much haha!

Queens of the Stone Age move my soul

I’ll always have my music, WE will always have music, one of my closest friends was really suffering with depression, I tried to help her by being there and then it occurred to me to gift her with music, I burned her a couple of CDs, one was Sam and Dave’s greatest hits (sweet soothing soul) and the other was a self put together playlist of happy bouncing singalong soul and funk.

Sam and Dave the saviours of souls

The change in her was fantastic, she was bouncing off the walls with joy and we shared so many laughs while serenading each other in song, it was such a great time for both of us, she would send me funny messages telling me how she loved Sam one day and Dave the next, I was so damn pleased I could help her!

So to my point, music is the lifeblood of my soul, your soul, don’t trust someone who doesn’t listen to music, they are either a robot or a lizard, or maybe a lizard robot!

Spread some joy today with the gift of a heartfelt song, you might just save someone’s soul!

I thank you for reading!


The Imperfectionist

This is me, I’m my harshest critic, nobody is a tough on me as I am, I am THE PERFECTIONIST! If this is you too then read this article, it rang some bells for me, I have to really harness my inner critic to be able to do things, everyday things and especially things like this blog, it took all the courage in the world for me and every minute I’m battling the shame and embarrassment of putting it out there and wanting to take it down, but I need this, I need to be heard, I need to be out there in the world. Anyway, give it a looky look, it’s an interesting read.


You know those childhood memories that are burned so deep you can remember the shirt you were wearing, or the way the grass smelled? I’ve got a few: The Time I Fell Off My Bike Riding With No Hands…

Source: The Imperfectionist

Is poetry still cool or do you have to brave it and slam it out verbally?

Is poetry still cool or do you have to brave it and slam it out verbally?

I write poetry, there I said it, feels kind of cringe when I put it out there, poetry seems so old fashioned and a bit ‘square/lame’ maybe I’m a song writer who doesn’t know how to write songs? Maybe if I just stood up and braved anxiety I could be a spoken word hero? Hmm I’ll just stick to babbling half rhymes in my mind and writing them in my iPhone notes, it’s what I have learnt in the last year or so that I’m good at.

Here! I’ll write one off the cuff now about…shoes?

My feet are small, my shoes are too

My goodness I want the big heels

Jewelled, decorated and glitzy

Feels so good you want the world to look at you

The uncomfortable glamour

Unable to walk in them like a normal human

but so beautiful I could gaze at them for hours

I am girly I am a shoe fan

Done, well I said I was good but I think I’ll just say it’s a passion, being good at something is when other people tell you I think? Hmm now that’s going to be another topic!

I have written some punching rants, I have thought about speaking them publicly to make them real, be relevant and cool like the ones I admire, but I just posted them on Facebook and gritted my teeth the whole time they were in the feeds of others. That’s not how to do it now is it? I guess I’ll be posting them here (joy for you) until I get a miracle boost of confidence and appear at a spoken word night, probably full of whiskey as that definitely equals confidence, you should see me on a Saturday night dancing to know that. Maybe no one should see that haha!

I guess poetry is a very personal thing, you either like it or love it or have no feelings about it, the subject matter of each one will determine how its received. Maybe it’s just me that’s thinking its old fashioned?

What do you think?

Image taken from http://www.rontranmer.com/ check him out!


A jobless single mum Christmas

A jobless single mum Christmas

Ok, now this isn’t the first piece of writing I’ve ever done but this is my first blog entry, be prepared it’s not going to rock and it’s probably going to be looong, once I start it’s hard to stop!

For my first entry I had grand ideas of what I was going to talk about, in the end I realised I need to share my most relevant feelings, I currently am out of work, there are no jobs that are suitable for my situation, they are either apprenticeship positions or full time (16 hours please my kids need me for their mental well being) or zero hour contracts,(no security been there done that) therefore I am a single mum on jobseekers, the lowest of the low in many people’s eyes, there is a great deal of pressure on me to get off benefits and find a job that pays well enough to feed my kids AND do Christmas, and that pressure undoubtedly is coming directly from me, other people are doing the ” there’s a job at macdonalds, pound land” etc… No offence, it’s not that I think I’m too good for those places, but I have to have some self respect for my kids, (and their friends ridicules) and I’m too good for those places *insert cheeky grin*

My job adviser at the job centre is one of the nicest humans I’ve ever met, she advised me that with so much stress on my plate *i am stressed out from years of coping with a teen and holding down jobs on the breadline plus health issues* that I should see my doctor and get signed off! I would’ve just carried on, becoming more and more desperate and pressured, panicking that I wasn’t doing enough of my job searching daily criteria as I’m a full time single mum, whether I’m working or not, there’s no time or energy for sticking to a plan for me, a sanction would be my worst fear and fears equal unproductive panic, so I was astounded when she held out the olive branch to me! (I really like olives)

So now it seems I’m a little more relaxed, still job searching but on my own time, still full time mumming it 24/7 worrying and guilt tripping myself that I’m never enough (mothers guilt in full flow) but I’m finding slowly that I can release a tiny piece of creativity into the world, (hence this blog) then the panic of Christmas sets in, a TV advert in November depicting how you should be getting presents for your neighbours, spoiling your kids with an xbox1, another shows a tidy, (2 kids 3 cats and me yeah ok then ) tastefully decorated cosy heated home, (calor gas is too expensive to use!) a table laden with the big turkey and all the trimmings, wines, meats, lavish desserts etc. Right now I can’t even afford presents for my kids, I’m not in a position where I can save money each week, I try but dang it someone needs new shoes or trousers or football boots or college funds, the car needs petrol and oil for its lavish leaking lifestyle, I need to get electricity and go food shopping, now that’s a lot more than the pittance a week I’m getting, so please tell me how to save for Christmas! See what those adverts do?

I am lucky, don’t get me wrong, my kids are awesome, they both have assured me they don’t want much at all, my daughter only asked for an electric blanket bless her, and my son has produced a list of things he wants, mostly games and at the bottom of it just states two of them is enough, if I can do it. I want to spoil them though, just a little bit, get them the things they really want just to see their faces rise with unequivocal joy… I’d love to give my mum and my grandparents great and thoughtful gifts, my close friends too, I would love to buy them the gifts I’ve seen and known they’d love, hell I’d even like to buy something for my neighbours and the lady up the shop but yeah, it’ll be a case of feeling awkward and doing so much apologising and gritting of teeth on the day and pretending I left cards at home as I couldn’t spare the cash to buy any. Oh and the guilt.

I’m sure there are a lot of people thinking the same, in jobs too! Don’t get me started on the politics of this rich vs the rest of us country! It beats me when I see the sofa and furniture adverts, only £599 for a new suite for Christmas, solid wood table and chairs for £499 for nan… How many people can actually afford that! My dream is to be that mum, the one who has already bought and wrapped all the presents in November, has a tidy house, meandering out for new decorations, getting a real non drop 7 foot tree, decadent food ordered from marks and spencer but that’s consumerism in its finest, it’s got me! Yep! You too?!

And now my final thought…Togetherness as my clued up mature beyond her years daughter pointed out has been lost in the media, is what it’s all about, and we will be together so boom! Done! Haha what am I worrying about anyway? *insert teeth gritting face*

Thank you if you got to the end! Sorry if you spotted any bad grammar!

Here is the link to the beautiful Christmas themed photo I used, this wonderful lady has worked hard to produce these totally edible delicious snow globe cakes that if I can afford to, I will try to make! http://www.sugarhero.com/snow-globe-cupcakes-gelatin-bubbles/