It’s been a weird old Christmas and nothing like the big family affairs I’m used to, feels a bit lonely and quiet… Christmas Eve I was on my own as the kids were doing their turns at their dads. Boxing Day is usually our little Christmas Day and I do the meal and invite friends who never come, so this year I didn’t have the courage or energy let alone money or organisation to invite anybody. So instead, my son is off to his dad’s to see his cousin and My poorly tired daughter has been soundly sleeping on the sofa next to me all day. May as well be on my own, again.
My 89 year old grandad is very poorly and in hospital, I spent most of the day there on Christmas Day with few family. We had a quiet dinner at my mums after and the kids came back.
Visited one of my best friends at about 8pm till 11pm, that was nice. Poor love was exhausted from doing a full dinner for her otherwise lone family. She made some lovely mince pies, they deserve a mention, I had my last one on my own today and savoured every last bite Janie!
I’m babysitting my grandma tomorrow… For 6 hours, giving my mum and my stepdad (still feels mad to say that when I still miss my dad so much) a break, I don’t think I’ve ever been on my own with her for more than an hour and she is so anxious it’s going to be tough to keep her happy. I guess the tv will have to save us.
At least I feel full of food, that’s consistent right?! I’ve been non stop gorging in a lone comfort eating way, grasping at anything that might make me feel full of the warm cheer that we are all supposed to have. Now I’m feeling fatter yay…
Ah Christmas you crazy bastard, what are you all about?
The media forces warmth and togetherness upon you and gives you that fantasy, strays invited in, long lost friends and family huddled together but in reality I’m not surrounded by loved ones, I’m sure I’m having a much better Christmas than a lot of people are but it gets fucking sad being single at this time of year, (and valentines and birthdays ah hell, all of the times!)
I’d apologise for the miserable if I didn’t feel like I needed to share with other sad loners alone at Christmas…or anyone!
What would it feel like to have that special someone on my arm for Christmas? Maybe a family extending love to me, giving me that fuzzy contentment that adverts from November have been selling me.
Got to move on, keep on keeping on, it’s all you can really do, remain hopeful as next year might be a different story altogether, I might get the full house of loved ones I’ve always dreamed of, hell I might even cook the dinner I bought all the ingredients for (and not just for my boy and I, my daughter doesn’t like roasts) and make it go round lots of happy faces that stay over and laugh till dawn with me.
I hope you’ve had a good Christmas or made it as good as you can! Here’s hoping this new year will offer us dreams that come true!
I’m going to eat some Brie now, and possibly wash that down with a glass of port.
Happy fucking Christmas one and all!
Thanks for reading!